Listen to Silence

How often do you REALLY get time to yourself?

Many of us do not realize how little time we set aside for "alone" time. I know many people who have almost become fearful of it. I at one point in my life, was one of them. Since I let go of the social pressures and my own quirky needs for interaction and attention, I found the time. I wouldn't say it was something I decided to do one day, but rather brought upon me, and I had no choice but to face the silence, in that face myself.

My car was my freedom. It took me everywhere and gave me the ability to reject being alone, bringing me to people as I would listen to people on the radio. There was always some stimulus, some noise, some person that I interacted with to make myself feel like I wasn't missing anything and that I was keeping up with the Jones'.

I worked hard to create this perception I wanted people around me to have and when I was alone, I worked to keep up with the latest and greatest and had to stay on top. Only thing was, I didn't ever ask my behavior why and never realized how drained and distracted I had become. Little did I know, I was looking for ways to avoid have people really get to know me. Only, little less did I know that I was the one doing the avoiding of getting to know me. Then it happen...

It was the moment was when my car radio stopped working. I unfortunately asked a friend who knew nothing about installing radios to put a new radio into my 8 year old Buick. There were sparks, a scent of burning rubber and a radio, hanging halfway out of my dashboard. My connection to the world, when I was most by myself, was now gone. I was a student and broke and knew there was going to be silence that I had never experienced before. My friend's mistake at that moment in my life turned into a most wonderful gift. The gift of getting to hear my thoughts.

At first, the silence swarmed under my skin, so irritated I could only think of how I could get a radio to break the damn silence. As time went on, the agitation faded and I accepted that my empty bank account wasn't going to save the day any time soon, and I listened. For the first time, I gave up my control and I listened to silence.

I listened to the air breezing by my car at 70mph. I listened to the hum of the engine. I listened to every little bump my tires rolled over. I listened to my spirit and let my mind relax and let my thoughts, imagination, ambitions, fears, accomplishments, insecurities run free. For the first time, I really sang out loud. Once very, very insecure about sharing my singing voice, I faced that fear and sang my heart out. Hours and miles in the car, I developed a library of songs that I would sing in between hearing my thoughts.

Everything was free to be exposed and I had no choice but to face them and offer them the time they needed so desperately. I began to disconnect with that superficial world I once worked so hard to maintain. And that was a good thing. It allowed me to reflect and I began to realize how many people around me never considered the notion of reflection. And wished for others to not be so distracted by the superficial.

Today, there's still the noise, there's still the distractions, there's still the superficial needs and wants. But there's a controlled balance. Instead of the exterior ruling my everything, my interior is my everything and the exterior needs a special pass to get in. Once my interior is satisfied I can let in the exterior and how wonderful it is. How wonderful to give up the worry of what people think of you. How wonderful know your a good person, act like a good person and free from trying to fit into a mold someone else cut out for you.

Find your silence today and maybe you can find yourself every moment, every day.

There are times when silence has the loudest voice. -Leroy Brownlow

-GrapeUniverse